Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Let's Do The News! (June 19, 2012)

And now we do the news! And we begin with this!

Volvo S60 Polestar Concept

What you're looking here is just another Volvo Polestar Concept model, a Volvo that has been tuned for more power, but this here is the Volvo S60 Polestar Concept. At first glance, it was based on the S60 T6 but this gets even more naughtier because this tuned 3.0L engine produces 508HP of power and take you from 0-60mph in 3.9 seconds. Top speed will exceed 186mph, that's for sure.


It appears to me that this tuned S60 was made to baffle down those high-performance Germans but trust me on this...NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE.

(audience laughing)

So now, you're saying that Butchoy has left the Philippines but now there's a new typhoon under the international name of TALIM?

Yes it is. And everyone should be aware of that because...you know what happens.

Right but as for the kids...hmmmm....this whole class suspension is a bit of an issue for schools around the Philippines because it's kinda hard to decide if they will suspend class in an event of a typhoon.

Confused? Perhaps DepED or CHED is confused on class suspension in an event of a typhoon, that's for sure!

(laughing)

What are you talking about, chaps?

Class suspension, in an event of a typhoon. You see, there's a new typhoon coming up, everybody's readying when disaster strikes, and there's a bit of an issue about class suspension.

Really?

Yeah.

Right. But enough of that whole incoming typhoon coming. We still have to watch NBA Finals Game 4, right? Remember, Miami Heat still leads 2-1 against Oklahoma City Thunder.

Yeah, Slow, we know. We have to see Game 4 tomorrow and we REALLY hope the Oklahoma guys, even ace player Kevin Durant, will win against the Miami idiots, even the pathetic Lebron James.

(laughing)

Come on! Snap out of it. I am rooting for Miami Heat because of the coach...who is a Filipino...

Whatever pal. No matter who's who, we're rooting for Thunder guys against the Heat guys. Those favored for HEAT to win raise your hands!

(audience raising hands)

Just a few! How about Oklahoma City Thunder?

(audience raising hands)

As always! Many are favored Oklahoma to win the next game! Ha ha!

Oh geez. If Miami wins and if it keeps winning until they snagged the trophy, you'll regret it. You'll regret that you are with the most pathetic team.

(audience laughing)

Okay, if that's what you want, Captain Slow.

(audience laughing)

Audi, they've revealed the first of the S range and the SQ5 TDi was the first of its kind. The first Audi S model to come with a diesel engine. Here's the pic...

Audi SQ5


Judging from its sporty credentials, the SQ5 comes with the 3.0-liter twin-turbocharged V6 diesel delivering a frisky 308hp (313PS) and 650 Nm (479 lb-ft) of torque between 1,450 and 2,800 rpm. It is mated with an eight-speed tiptronic transmission and quattro permanent all-wheel drive with torque vectoring.


Wait, a diesel Audi S? SQ5? Why didn't they called it Q5 S? What's next? RSQ5?!

(laughing)

Anyway, it seems that they want to catch up against BMW's new M Performance Automobiles, ones that come with powerful diesel engines. That's incredible.

Getting hotter doesn't feel to be so economical. A hotter Audi diesel model like the SQ5 really was the first of its kind because of the TDi engine. What's next? S4 TDi? S6 TDi? SQ7? S7 TDi?

Whoa there buddy. You can't push that agenda a little more harsh, I think.

Now, anyway, Kia Motors, Korean automaker, they've previewed what could be the 2013MY (US 2014MY) Kia Sorento R minor change, have a look.

Kia Sorento R facelift

Pretty much to see here. New front, new back, but details still a little bit slim for now. We don't know what specs will be but I'm sure it'll come with the 2.0L and the 2.4L R e-VGT diesel engine...sort of.


Hmmm....The Sorento R was been there since its debut in April 2009 but from the looks of it, it's getting a bit improved....Too bad we don't know what's what with the Sorento R's minor change for now...

Yeah...We don't know what's what so stay tuned for more about the Kia Sorento R minor change...

Now anyway, Alpina, famous BMW tuner, they tuned the BMW F01 7-Series minor change for their updated version of the Alpina B7. Take a look:

2013 Alpina B7

(wow)

Yep, this is the 2013 Alpina B7 which is essentially a tuned version of the 2013 BMW 7-Series so what you expect here that the 4.4L V8 engine has been tweaked with an addition of the idling stop feature. 540HP, 538lb-ft, new eight-speed automatic transmission, and 0-60 in under four seconds.


Sounds yummy to us about this tuned F01 but for the 2013 Model Year, the Alpina B7's getting a bit more mature and fresh. I like that.

Yeah, and the one thing about the 2013 B7 is they'll showcase it at the Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance this August.

Right. Now anyway, you know that TOYOTA 86 that has been recently launched in the Philippines? That's good but what's bothering me now that the Philippines (or the rest of the world) offer some kind of an 86 variant that Japan never had; 86 AERO!

TOYOTA 86 AERO


Who's thinking of the 86 model with a big rear spoiler? Nobody sells that!

(laughing)

Wanna know what are the trim levels of the TOYOTA 86? The trim levels are; RC, G, GT, and GT-Limited. I repeat; RC, G, GT, and GT-Limited. That's it. No mention of 86 with a giant rear wing. Wanna see what's available customization parts for the TOYOTA 86?


TOYOTA 86
TOYOTA 86

TOYOTA 86

TOYOTA 86

TOYOTA 86

TOYOTA 86

Do you see a Toyota 86 with a massive rear wing on their Japanese lineup? NO! THEY DON'T HAVE ONE, OKAY?

(laughing)

He's right! There's no sign of a Toyota 86 with a giant wing on it. That was just bogus. There's no such thing as an 86 AERO on it because like what he said, the trim levels available on the Toyota 86 are RC, G, GT, and GT-Limited.

Correct! Stop looking for 86 AERO okay? No such thing existed!

(laughing)

Damn those trespassers. You know they don't have one. We only cover what's only suited. Japanese cars speak Japanese, Korean cars speak Korean, American cars speak American, and so on as long if its made from its home country.

You're right. Which reminds me. How come those Malaysian idiots still thinking about the all new 2013 Proton Preve?

Ah yes the Proton Preve...

Proton Preve

How come there are Malaysian idiots thinking about a MODIFIED PROTON PREVE?

(laughing)

Modified Proton Preve? That's blasphemous! You know that this car is recently launched and recently launched cars has absolutely NO MODIFICATIONS 'till further notice. Here's a better tip, if you are the sort of idiot and if you owned a Preve and if you go to a tuning shop, the clerk would say "Sorry we don't have modification parts for the Proton Preve for now". That's right. You can't modify a recently launched car! Get it? YOU CAN'T MODIFY A RECENTLY LAUNCHED CAR!!! Here's a Top Gear Top Tip; YOU CAN'T MODIFY A RECENTLY LAUNCHED CAR UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE! Best to plug my word to your brains, idiots!

(audience laughing)

I simply can't believe that why most of the people want to modify their cars. Is it because they want to break the law, outrun the cops, destroy public property, and become MOST WANTED?

At your point, yes. A guy who likes to modify a car would love to do some ILLEGAL STREET RACING by night because it's his habit. It's every criminals' habits. Being a villain all night long with a modified car. Imagine that....change gear, change gear, change gear, see a prostitute, kill a prostitute, change gear, change gear, change gear....

(Audience laughing)

Ha ha ha ha!!! Nice expression of a person who drives a modified car! Ha ha ha ha!!!!

Yeah, right. I just wished that there is a law that all aftermarket parts should be banned because aftermarket parts are like the shabu, marijuana, ecstasy, or the PROHIBITED DRUGS of the motoring scene.

Yeah, I hope so because when cops saw a modified car, he would get arrested with FELONY and LIFE IMPRISONMENT. Guys who owned modified cars are considered to be FELONS or CRIMINALS.

(laughing)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! This isn't Heaven And Hell. Leave that to me, okay?

Right. Anyway, bad news. I got reports that CV Rie Tanaka (who was Maria from Hayate the Combat Butler) announced that she got married to a fellow CV named Kouichi Yamadera (Spike from Cowboy Bebop). No really! It's true! She announced that she got married!

(awwww)


You have got to be kidding me, Clarks. You have got to be kidding me! He he he

I think you have a point! Maybe she's getting married to someone and timing of course, they got married on the date that turned out to be Kouichi Yamadera's birthday.

(ooohhh)

Really?!

Yeah! What timing of course...

Hey! Hey! Guess what? THE IDOLM@STER G4U Vol. 9, the one with Yukatas and Sailor Bikinis, turns out, for the WORLD'S FIRST, it has been integrated for the PSVita's Remote Play!

(wow)

Check it out, folks and see...





AMAZING! Right?

(applause)

And that's the news!

No comments: