Thursday, May 2, 2013

Let's Do The News! (May 2, 2013)

(cheers and applause)

2014 Peugeot 2008


JM: I had just one question...Who was that chubby kid again you just mentioned?

JC: Um...(gibberish)

(audience laughing)

JM: I'm sorry, who?

JC: I can't remember...It's something...um...

JM: Come on, who was that chubby kid you said...

JC: (stuttering)...Ryzza...

JM: Ryzza?

(audience laughing)

JC: Oh, all right! It's Ryzza. Ryzza Mae Dizon. It's that little girl from Eat Bulaga who has a talk show called The Ryzza Mae Show.

JM: You see? Quite a simple question and you can't answer...

JC: Anyway, let's forget about that and do the news! Okay, it's the MMDA. In the past, as you may remember, that if you had a car that doesn't have a plate number because your car is brand new, perhaps you'll going to be busted but then later those new cars without a license plate can really get away from those coding schemes that the MMDA does.

RH: Coding? Isn't just about those color-coding schemes?

(audience laughing)

JC: Uh...nope. MMDA forgot about the color coding but if they do, they would prohibit cars wearing a certain exterior color. Let's just say that those who are in red color, you are not allowed...

(audience laughing)

JC: ...those who are blue, not allowed. So on, so forth. So color coding's rubbish and MMDA decided to go with the number coding scheme which is ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES but only works in the NCR where it has so much traffic...

(audience laughing)

JM: Uh...hang on a second...hang on a second...those number coding schemes...how does it work?

JC: Simple, this number coding scheme done by the MMDA in the past was used to ease out heavy traffic on city roads in order to manage peak-hour traffic. For example; The NO WINDOW HOURS at Makati and Las Pinas takes about 12 hours from 7am to 7pm, then there's window hours at Pasig City from 9am to 4pm, and then the list goes on and on and on....THAT'S CONFUSING!!!!

(audience laughing)

JM: Uh...Jeremy?

JC: Anyway, the summary about this whole number coding rubbishness is that for a certain day of the week, some vehicles were prohibited. Here's what sums it up...

Number Coding
JC: Based on that pic, those who have 1 and 2 at the end of their plate numbers are not allowed ot go on Mondays, 3 and 4 not allowed on Tuesdays, 5 and 6 not allowed in Wednesday and well, you get that idea...

RH: What about weekends?

JC: None. Number coding is not implemented on weekends and there's going to be suspension of number coding in case of special holidays and may be stretched on the following dates depending on the criteria.

RH: So, what if you violated those?

JC: Well, if you got caught by the MMDA officer found out that your license plate has a number that is not allowed on the day, your driver's license maybe suspended, a violation ticket, and you'll pay 300 pesos at the redemption center in Makati.

JM: Ouch. Let's just say this, what if your car doesn't have a license plate, like for instance a brand new car, what would the MMDA do?

JC: Well, they're really not that stupid because while officers observed that there's no license plate, they might as well look at the conduction sticker found at the back of the car.

JM: What happens when there's no conduction sticker?

(audience laughing)

JC: Thus, I'm afraid it isn't street legal in the streets of Metro Manila, I'm afraid...

(audience laughing)

JC: Now anyway, SOME NEWS!

(huh?)

JC: No...not great news. SOME news. Now, the brand behind the famed Twinkie bar, which is Hostess by the way, is backed by a new owner who bought the once crippled Hostess brand and they say that they're going to restart bakeries that made Twinkies in the summer.

JM: Now, hang on, wait a minute, aren't those Twinkies those kind of snacks which are famed for the fable "shelf life", stating that Twinkies that last for several years?

JC: Uh...I don't know...maybe fact or faked...the world holds so many mysteries about the Twinkies. Good thing that the Twinkies are back, let's just say that we're still urging to have one of those. Still, it's a rubbish snack for me by the way...

(audience laughing)

JM: Would you rather have a Twinkie, Hammond?

(audience laughing)

RH: Uh...nope. Not taking any chances, mate.

JM: Okay...

JC: Well, no thanks for me. I'm still not sold to the Twinkie shelf life malarkey because most of the Americans out there are kinda fascinated about this whole Twinkie nonsense. Question is, why would they want to figure out on their own?

(audience laughing)

JC: That's just boring!

(audience laughing)

JC: Now, anyway, there's a dedicated Doctor Who store which is going to open in Sydney this month and judging from the news, this new pop-up shop in Australia features exclusive merchandises never before sold in Australia such as the Doctor Who home range, which boasts a selection of stylish teapots, mugs, tea towels, notebooks, laptop covers and more.

JM: So, it's an Aussie Whovian dream's come true...

(audience laughing)

JC: I don't even bothered why there are so many Australians out there watching Doctor Who but how come they're getting fascinated by that. Anyway, forget what I told but still, this shop comes with a wide range of merchandises especially....toys.

(audience laughing)

JC: Grrr....

RH: Hey man, what's the angry face?

JC: Can't even imagine when will Underground Toys get the memo of having an updated lineup based on Doctor Who Series 7 soon...

(audience laughing)

JC: I was getting so irritated that those kind of ads aired on BBC America still has Amy Pond on it? I mean why showing us an outdated advert with a companion we no longer had?

JM: I don't know because they're kinda scared about Clara Oswald...

(audience laughing)

JC: Yes. It's the same topic we're talking. Why does those Doctor Who-affiliated toymakers can't stood up on today's trends. They're sticking up to last year's or maybe classics and that's rubbish! It's like a racing game which comes with a monthly DLC pack featuring old classics!

(audience laughing)

JM: Give it a rest, Jeremy and...(gasp) ARGH! WHEN WILL UNDERGROUND TOYS GET IT?!!!

(audience laughing hysterically)

JC: I just wanna play with Clara Oswald, just for one day! Please Underground Toys, make it happen!

RH: Me too!!!

(audience laughing)

JC: Well, anyway, while we're never gonna stop wailing, that's the end of the news!

JM: Oh, and before we end it, there's some very interesting topic to share...

(audience laughing)

JC: What is it, James?

JM: I just saw this kid on the internet and it was like Oh My Stars! Wasn't that kid great?

JC: Who was that kid?

JM: It was that kid I saw on the internet once. He was from the Philippines and goes by the name Aldrich Lloyd Talonding. This kid on the internet can sing a brilliant version of Luther Vandross' "Dance With My Father." Here's the clip which sums everything up...



(cheers and applause)

JC: Astonishing! I'd expect great cheers for this kid!

RH: Yeah!

(cheers and applause continues)

JC: And that's REALLY the end of the news.

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