Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Geekdom's Guide to Interrogating your Husband

If you remember a certain episode of Orphan Black, Alison Hendrix once interrogated her husband Donnie about what he did during her sleep or else a glue gun torture on her husband. Yes, a glue gun burn can be very painful but only the most desperate housewives can pull the same trick as Alison's when it comes to dealing with their backstabbing husbands who are doing suspicious behaviors.


Today's husbands tend to do suspicious activities, even after hours. For example, you didn't know that your husband had a number two while claiming he was working overtime or he once went to a beerhouse with his mates. You were expected to have your husband come home as scheduled but when several hours passed and your husband didn't come home as scheduled, consider this a wake-up call for the soccer moms.

First, find something that will knock him unconscious. If you were arguing with your husband about what he did last night, wait till he turns his back, then smack him hard with a hard object to knock him unconscious. Alison used a golf club on her husband's head but if you don't have a golf club, any long object would do. Your broomstick, baseball bat, a frying pan, anything will do.

When your husband's already knocked out, find a safe place no one will see. Either the pantry, the laundry room, the bathroom, or the garage, be sure no one will notice that you had a knocked-out husband tied up for interrogation. Because your husband weighs more than you, best to drag him on his legs. For health-and-safety purposes, wear him a helmet so he won't feel the knock while dragging him on a safe place at home.

If you found a safe place, sit him in the chair and tie him tightly. When he wakes up, he'll be freaked out when he sees you what you're doing. Time to make him pay. Interrogate him about what sort of suspicious activities he done after hours. If you think he's lying, find something that is worth painful. Alison used a glue gun on her husband and if you did have a glue gun, make him tell the truth or else, let a drip of hot glue burn his chest in agony. If you didn't have a glue gun, there are alternatives; a drip of wax from a lit candle or a boiling water. Wives, take note.

BEWARE: If you didn't expect that you had a get-together or a children's party or a potluck at your home, make sure he didn't expect that you had guests! You can make sure he didn't expect that by cover him with an ear muff, blindfold, and something to muffle his mouth. Also, be on the lookout for unsuspecting intruders, even those with a nail gun aiming at a drug addict.

You can thank the Clone Club as well as your sestras for this approach when it comes to dealing with your backstabbing husband, unless he accidentally killed an evil genius who runs an evil corporation and then asks you to bury his corpse under your home.

The Geekdom's Guide to Interrogating your Husband.

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