Sunday, August 2, 2015

The Cute Wall (Volume Nine)

Now, it's now time to do...THE CUTE WALL!



And before we do that, you may remember that last month, we had the 765 PRO ALL-STARS from THE IDOLM@STER to have their cuteness evaluated because last month, we celebrated the series' 10th anniversary with some big stuff happened. Now, with the Cinderella Girls anime ongoing, it's time to call on...

Time to call on the CINDERELLA PROJECT from the anime, yeah, whatever. So, little man, who's first?

LOVE LAIKA

Ah, I see. Minami Nitta and Anastasia from LOVE LAIKA. I find that odd why did they name the duo LOVE LAIKA. What is it?

Beats me. Maybe this is like giving a finger on the rival Love Live series, I suppose?

(audience laughing)

I see you got the point here but another thing that bothers me is that Russian chic Anastasia.

Half-Russian. She's half-Russian but the trouble is. there's also another Russian in the world of idol anime stuff. Eli Ayase from Love Live.

So, who was that Elichika again?

She's slight Russian. If you compare these two ladies, you will know that even though Anya-chan's half Russian, she's got more Russian charm than my precious Ellie.

(audience laughing)

Precious Ellie?!

Sorry. It's Elichika, I presume but you get the idea. The thing is though, my Elichika can say "хорошо" and your Anya-chan can say "спасибо", it will be like clash of the communists.

(audience laughing)

Oh, grow up, mister. And speaking of which, I think that Minami Nitta-chan's getting accommodated with her bestie very well. Think about it, it's like two different worlds colliding each other in the pursuit of talent and dreams. So, thoughts about the Love Laika duo?

Although, we wasted a lot of time talking about Anya-chan here, we got little time to talk about Nitta-chan here but sadly, Nitta-chan's looks aren't as cute as they say so it's a NOT CUTE for her.

(audience laughing)

As for Anya-chan, put her to the CUTE spot, for safe keeps.

Well done. So, who's next?

Rosenburg Engel

Ranko Kanzaki a.k.a. the Rosenburg Engel. Sadly for me, I don't think her gothic looks don't woo me as much as the other Cinderella Project girls I'll be dealing with later on.

(audience laughing)

Oh come on, can we give a little thought about Ranko-chan here?

No, sir. Her gothic lolita looks don't surprise me so it's a NOT CUTE for me.

(audience laughing)

Okay, Ranko-chan's not cute, I admit, but she isn't half bad because...she's got the moves.

Too late, little man. It's already been posted. Let's move on with CANDY ISLAND.

CANDY ISLAND
Ah, CANDY ISLAND.

CANDY ISLAND. Why did they name it after Flapjack's dream destination?!

(audience laughing)

I don't know but anyway, CANDY ISLAND consists of Kanako Mimura, Chieri Ogata, and everyone's favorite; Anzu Futaba.

Anzu Futaba? The little girl who keeps wearing her favorite shirt with words I don't really understand?

Uh-huh.

There's no wonder why everyone who got hooked on Cinderella Girls love that particular character but look at her...she's as lazy as a Slaking.

(audience laughing)

Yes. I admit she's lazy but she's a cute lazy girl, don't you think?

No. She's not cute, she has to let the other two go to the CUTE spot while I'll be leaving Anzu-chan to the lowest spot that is...SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE.

(audience laughing)

Buddy, you know that Problem Solving part on that noon-time show we often watched, and then the duo between an old and rich granny with the yaya tagging alongside?

Oh wait, isn't the yaya who only speaks in audio bites from other stuff, I presume?

It's Dubsmash, fat boy.

Whatever.

You were that old lady who drives her yaya away from her boyfriend.

(audience laughing)

Anyway, never mind about that and let's move on to the next...

Decoration
It's Decoration, ladies and gents. Miria Akagi, Rika Jougasaki, and Kirari Moroboshi. Yes, these three are very cute but nothing's as cute as Kirari's.

Kirari Moroboshi?! The onee-chan of the trio? Something's fishy about her...

Hmmm?

I have a sneaking suspicion that Kirari's kinda like Yayoi Takatsuki meets Azusa Miura. Notice the hair? Her hair resembles like Yayoi's and that's not the end of it. It's her watermelons...

(audience laughing)

Look at the size of her melons...reminds me of Azusa's...

(audience laughing)

Cut it out, okay?! You're too much! Anyway, thoughts?

Well, judging from the size of her melons, we don't want to disappoint Kirari-chan and her fellow girls so, let's give these three a decent spot they truly deserve and that's in the CUTE spot.

(applause)

There you go, Rika. Hope your big sis Mika's going to be proud of you when she sees you as part of the other CUTE characters, okay?

(audience laughing)

*(Asterisk)

Who are these?

Riina Tada and Miku Maekawa. They're known as *(Asterisk).

Shoddy name for an idol duo but these two are pretty much like us...

(audience laughing)

Yes, pretty much like us. Anyway, how would you describe these two?

Simple really. Riina Tada loves rock and roll and Miku Maekawa frolics like a feline. Between you and me, that Miku-nyan is becoming a total pain in the arse.

(audience laughing)

Much like you...

(audience laughing)

Huh? Why?!

She's kinda obsessed with stuff that don't matter but anyway, enough chitter-chatter, let's give thoughts about these two.

Anyway, at first, I thought Tada-san's the feisty type but she doesn't make anyone pee their pants on their way to the bedroom because look at her. She loves rock 'n roll but doesn't feel like a buttkicker to me. If by buttkicker, I mean of course, responsible for having the fans pee their pants in bedtime.

(audience laughing)

But despite not letting the viewers leaving their pants soaked in urine in bedtime, this rock 'n roll gal is one tough gal, I give her that. For that, I'll put her in the CUTE spot and as for Miku-nyan, you've been a naughty little girl.

(audience laughing)

Wait! Lemme guess, where should you put her, I presume?

NOT CUTE!

Hey! Spare her some time, man!

Sorry. No spares. The rules are meant to be followed, not modified.

(audience laughing)

Oh, she's going to regret you one day...

(beep! beep!)

What was that?

Is anyone ordered a bucket of fried chicken?

Oh, that was me.

Here's your order, sir.

Thanks.

Why did you ordered a bucket of fried chickens? What's that for?

Well, it's for dinner, tonight.

Dinner with what? Your family?

Suppose so, but I'm having a dinner of fried chicken with these!

new generations
(cheers and applause)

I see. You wanted to have a dinner with...new generations. That's why you've ordered a bucket full of fried chicken just to have a dinner conversations with Uzuki Shimamura, Rin Shibuya, and Mio Honda.

Correct. Everyone loves new generations because these trio are all they've got to keep the CINDERELLA PROJECT afloat and keep their strict producer proud of their achievements. For me, my favorite of the new generations trio is Uzuki Shimamura because, let's be honest, she kinda reminds me of Haruka Amami.

(awww)

Reminded you of Haruka Amami?! At least Uzuki's not as clumsy as Haruka's.

Yeah and tell you what, because she's my favorite, I decided to put her at the top spot which is...NAKAKAGIGIL.

(cheers and applause)

NAKAKAGIGIL, I presume. What about the other two?

Rin and Mio? Anyway, I find Rin to be rather the silent type of the trio and she's not bothered with all the emotion commotion. Every time when I want to see Rin happy, sad, scared, angry, or bothered, she's all the same. No emotions whatsoever but better still, it's good that she's a trustworthy idol of the trio and best if we can put her in the CUTE spot.

Hmmm...good point there but something bothers me about Mio Honda. See her name? Good because just because it has the Honda name in Mio Honda's name doesn't make it. Imagine if I had to pull up with the other Honda fanboys at a carpark and say "Look at me with my new Honda!", everybody will laugh tirelessly because what you brought here is not a Honda.

(audience laughing)

Yeah because sadly, her VTEC never really kicked in.

(audience laughing)

Her VTEC never kicked in like what every speedo boy's Honda do in the world. But despite her VTEC never kicked in, Mio's a buttkicker and whatever you don't best not to remember her at your sleep because if you do...some wee-wee will come out from your pants.

(audience laughing)

Sounds gross, but where should you put her?

CUTE. I don't want to have one member of new generations disappointed when we put her in NOT CUTE or SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE so it's best to put it here. So, here we are, all of the CINDERELLA PROJECT girls have their cuteness evaluated. So, what should we do now?

I don't know. Dinner?

Yes. Dinner. At least you got some fried chicken to eat.

Get your own meal. You know the bucket of fried chicken's reserved for me and the new generations trio.

Time for the recap!

SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE:
Raichu
Whisper
Minion
Nico Yazawa
Takane Shijou
Azusa Miura
Makoto Kikuchi
*Anzu Futaba

NOT CUTE:
Dopey
Kwazii
Minion
Amethyst
Rin Hoshizora
Hibiki Ganaha
*Minami Nitta
*Ranko Kanzaki
*Miku Maekawa

CUTE:
Pichu
Plusle
Minun
Pachirisu
Emolga
Dedenne
Mokona
Mog
Catbug
Bashful
Froakie
Fennekin
Harukasan
Stuffy
Tunip the Vegimal
Minccino
Piplup
Sylveon
Queen Delightful
Axew
Jibanyan
Minion
Serena's Pancham
Umi Sonoda
Eli Ayase
Hanayo Koizumi
Maki Nishikino
Nozomi Tojo
Miki Hoshii
Yukiho Hagiwara
Iori Minase
Ritsuko Akizuki
*Anastasia
*Kanako Mimura
*Chieri Ogata
*Miria Akagi
*Rika Jougasaki
*Kirari Moroboshi
*Riina Tada
*Rin Shibuya
*Mio Honda

NAKAKAGIGIL!!!:
Pikachu
BMO
Bijou
Poof
George
Happy
Chespin
Doc McStuffins
Mabel Pines
Sofia
Cottonee
Minion
Oshawott
Star Butterfly
Honoka Kousaka
Kotori Minami
Haruka Amami
Yayoi Takatsuki
Chihaya Kisaragi
Ami Futami
Mami Futami
*Uzuki Shimamura

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