Thursday, April 7, 2016

The Cute Wall (Volume Twelve)

Now, the moment of truth is time because it's now time to do...THE CUTE WALL!



Yes, we're back and seems that we got the whole Cute Wall fixed after the whole fiasco last time where you are going to put Meowth on the CUTE WALL but I chopped it with a chainsaw. You know the rules, NO VILLAINS ALLOWED, okay? Do this again and this wall's going to chopped into halves. Worse, little pieces that are hard to put back.

(audience laughing)

All right. No villains allowed. Speaking of which, who added these?

Hmmm? That's odd. I don't remember adding those. Let's see...hmmm... (reading)...Huh?

What is it?

It's the list of...leading ladies from the Biohazard franchise! It doesn't matter if they're lead roles or supporting roles, what matters is, someone demanded that these leading ladies from the Biohazard franchise are SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE and I got a letter, care to read it?

Okay.

Let's see...hmmm...Dear...whoever you are reading this letter, I just want to write to you that even if it's the 20th anniversary of the Biohazard franchise, known globally as Resident Evil, I want to demand you that since you're doing the whole Cute Wall thing, please don't consider the heroines from the franchise as CUTE or whatever it was. These women are too weapons-grade or military-grade for their own performance. Even for their dramatic performance in a lead role or exceptional performance in a supporting role, whatever you don't DON'T CONSIDER THEM CUTE.

Wonder why?

Beats me. Whoever writes this letter sure has some weird backstory. Probably because someone once tried out both installments of the so-called Project X Zone RPG games, a collaboration of Japan's big three game makers in history, and he was so upset that some from the Namco side of the RPG didn't made the cut.

Was it...

Don't ask. So, in respose, he wrote me with this and told that the heroines from his favorite survival horror games should be placed in the worst spot of the wall, which is SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE by the way. Name those Biohazard heroines, both leading and supporting, please.

Jill Valentine, Rebecca Chambers, Claire Redfield, Ada Wong, Ashley Graham, Sheva Alomar, Helena Harper, Sherry Birkin, Moira Burton, Natalia Korda. That's all I know.

Thank you. Sorry Bio ladies, someone's right. You weapons-grade waifus don't deserve to be cute. Hold on, if we put them here, what should we do next to the women of CAPCOM games?

(laughing)

Who's next?


Matsuno brothers

(audience laughing)

Permission to say sheeh! Because the Matsuno brothers from the recently concluded Osomatsu-san are here!

Osomatsu-san? Is this the show with the "six shame faces" on it doing hilarious misadventures one after another? Yeah, right. But did you watch the finale?

Oh, yeah. I got laughed at the finale that the Matsuno brothers are in a game of baseball and they win some, lose some at the end. I thought they are going to unleash their most powerful selves but ended up flying in defeat.

(audience laughing)

I know. So, do you have thoughts on the Matsuno brothers?

Well, since the Matsuno brothers; Osomatsu, Karamatsu, Choromatsu, Ichimatsu, Jyuushimatsu, and Todomatsu, have different kinds of oddball personalities, I got to say that I like being one of them, even in their different versions from their Girlymatsu selves and their more handsome F6 versions.

Really? But do you know where you'll end up with if you are one of the Matsuno bros?

Where?

To the bottom of the wall.

(awww...)

Sorry, bud. SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE is where the brothers are heading to. Ha ha ha...

(audience laughing)

You really don't care about them, no matter how funny they really are?

Yup.

Wow, you're pretty are much like them, all right. Anyway, ready for Aikatsu Stars?

Aikatsu Stars?

It's a new show that will succeed where the original Aikatsu left off with a new cast of characters. It appears you and I are fairly familiar with this kids show because...well, our heads are cramped with idol girl stuff.

(audience laughing)

Yeah, you're right. Maybe we haven't get to know the original Aikatsu for a lifetime and I heard it's already finished in time before the new Aikatsu Stars series kicks off. If some fans can remember, they've watched the finale last week, about the same time when we go to the Final Love Live concert. Man, the world of idol girls are getting the feels about the departure of popular school idols in preparation to newer generations.


How should we do with the stars of Aikatsu now that their show's finished?

Let's give them an honorary mention in the CUTE WALL before getting introduced to the stars of Aikatsu Stars. Okay? The SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE award goes to...

(audience laughing)

Miyabi Fujiwara, Risa Shirakaba, and Rin Kurosawa.

(audience laughing, and applause)

NOT CUTE award goes to...Sumire Hikami, Juri Kurebayashi, and Nono Daichi.

(audience laughing, and applause)

Now, the CUTE award goes to...Hinaki Shinjo, Madoka Amahana, Kokone Kurisu, and Nina Dojima.

(applause)

And now the NAKAKAGIGIL award goes to...

(drumroll effect)

Ichigo Hoshimiya, Aoi Kiriya, Ran Shibuki, and Akari Ozora!

(applause)

And there goes the Starlight Academy's hall of fame from the original Aikatsu anime. Now, it's time to know about the new Aikatsu Stars!


Yume Njino

Rola Sakuraba

Well, here they are and they look less interesting than the original Aikatsu leads but anyway, these girls are the stars of the show. Their names are Yume Njino and Rola Sakuraba and they are freshmen at a prestigious idol academy ruled by the academy's elite idol group S4; comprising senior year students such as Hime Shiratori, Tsubasa Kisaragi, Yuzu Nikaido, and Yozora Kasumi. Truth be told, I'm not heavily interested with the elite S4 in the new series. Best to put it in the NOT CUTE for pending investigation.

(audience laughing)

Okay, fine. Don't say I didn't warned you. Anyway, tell me more.

Well, like the original, Aikatsu Stars still has the same formula that combines "idol" and "magic girl" and in this show, idols will use Aikatsu cards to unleash its effects and sing their way to become the top idol of the academy. That's all I know.

(audience laughing)

Anyway, where should we put the new heroines from the new show?

Let's put it in CUTE for a while. It's tough getting to know the new generation of idols. It's a good thing we have THE IDOLM@STER to thank for the rise of idol girls in TV shows and games.

(audience laughing)



Braixen

What the...? Who's that?

Is that Braixen? The Pokemon that was evolved from a Fennekin? What's it doing here?

I don't know but back then, we put Fennekin in the cute spot because of its doggy looks. Now that Braixen appears, what's your say?

I don't know, but...

(witch laugh)

Aw, crud! What the heck was that?!

Uh...you know the Wii U version of Pokken Tournament? Braixen was on it as a Wii U exclusive Pokemon alongside Garchomp and I guess there's one thing about this Pokemon.

Witchcraft?!

Exactly! RUN!!!

(Zap!)

(Zap!)

(Burn!)

(Burn!)

 SEVERAL MINUTES LATER

IT ENDED UP IN THE NAKAKAGIGIL SPOT! How's that even possible?

When Braixen unleashes its Synergy Burst, in unleashed its burst attack called the Psyfirecracker. Sucks being a bad wolf that knows witchcraft.

Perhaps this is how it defeated the three little piggies.

(audience laughing)

(witch laugh)

Calm down, buddy. Let it go. Otherwise, we'll be falling victim to its witchcraft again.

Sigh...

TIME FOR THE RECAP!

SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE:
Raichu
Whisper
Minion
Nico Yazawa
Takane Shijou
Azusa Miura
Makoto Kikuchi
Anzu Futaba
Croagunk
Touma Amagase
Shota Mitarai
Hokuto Ijuin
Teru Tendo
Kaoru Sakuraba
Tsubasa Kashikawa
Kyouji Takajou
Minori Watanabe
Kyosuke Aoi
Yusuke Aoi
Shiki Iseya
Haruna Wakazato
Hayato Akiyama
Jun Fuyumi
Natsuki Sakaki
Rui Maita
Chio Hazama
Jiro Yamashita
Treecko
*Jill Valentine
*Rebecca Chambers
*Claire Redfield
*Ada Wong
*Ashley Graham
*Sheva Alomar
*Helena Harper
*Sherry Birkin
*Moira Burton
*Natalia Korda
*Osomatsu
*Karamatsu
*Choromatsu
*Ichimatsu
*Jyuushimatsu
*Todomatsu
*Miyabi Fujiwara
*Risa Shirakaba
*Rin Kurosawa


NOT CUTE:
Dopey
Kwazii
Minion
Amethyst
Rin Hoshizora
Hibiki Ganaha
Minami Nitta
Ranko Kanzaki
Miku Maekawa
Kion
Fuli
Beshte
Bunga
Ono
Pierre
Scraggy
Bulbasaur
Squirtle
Cyndaquil
Turtwig
*Sumire Hikami
*Juri Kurebayashi
*Nono Daichi
*Hime Shiratori
*Tsubasa Kisaragi
*Yuzu Nikaido
*Yozora Kasumi

CUTE:
Pichu
Plusle
Minun
Pachirisu
Emolga
Dedenne
Mokona
Mog
Catbug
Bashful
Froakie
Fennekin
Harukasan
Stuffy
Tunip the Vegimal
Minccino
Piplup
Sylveon
Queen Delightful
Axew
Jibanyan
Minion
Serena's Pancham
Umi Sonoda
Eli Ayase
Hanayo Koizumi
Maki Nishikino
Nozomi Tojo
Miki Hoshii
Yukiho Hagiwara
Iori Minase
Ritsuko Akizuki
Anastasia
Kanako Mimura
Chieri Ogata
Miria Akagi
Rika Jougasaki
Kirari Moroboshi
Riina Tada
Rin Shibuya
Mio Honda
Komasan
Komajiro
Grizz
Panda
Ice Bear
Clefairy
Jigglypuff
Chansey
Eevee
Tepig
Snivy
Chikorita
Charmander
Totodile
Torchic
Mudkip
Chimchar
*Hinaki Shinjo
*Madoka Amahana
*Kokone Kurisu
*Nina Dojima
*Yume Njino
*Rola Sakuraba


NAKAKAGIGIL!!!:
Pikachu
BMO
Bijou
Poof
George
Happy
Chespin
Doc McStuffins
Mabel Pines
Sofia
Cottonee
Minion
Oshawott
Star Butterfly
Honoka Kousaka
Kotori Minami
Haruka Amami
Yayoi Takatsuki
Chihaya Kisaragi
Ami Futami
Mami Futami
Uzuki Shimamura
Noibat
Togepi
Squishy
*Ichigo Hoshimiya
*Aoi Kiriya
*Ran Shibuki
*Akari Ozora
*Braixen

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