Tuesday, July 5, 2016

The Cute Wall (Volume Fourteen)

Now, the moment of truth is time because it's now time to do...THE CUTE WALL!



It's back, ladies and gents, and today's CUTE WALL is a very special one.

What special?

What? Don't know anything?

No. What is it?

Because of this!




Wait...are these Aqours?!

Aqours it is and who saw the pilot episode of the new Love Live Sunshine anime? Raise your hands...

(audience raising hands)

That's a lot because almost anyone around here watched the new show and I think they're getting warmed up for the Aqours craze.

Yeah, the same way what...μ's did five years ago. So, whose Aqours member should we go first? Chika Takami?

Correct. Chika Takami it is. So, any thoughts about her?

Chika is...um...what can you say about her anyway?

For me, Chika is like Honoka but with a million times more manageable, in my mind.

(audience laughing)

Like Honoka, do you really think Chika's going to be the cutest of the Aqours members?

For me, yes. And I know where to put our new favorite school idol girl in this wall.

Where? Is it...NAKAKA...

Nailed it. It's NAKAKAGIGIL.

(audience laughing, then applause)

All righty, then. So, who's next?

Riko Sakurauchi. The former Tokyo girl who now resides to Uchiura and you can really tell that she used to reside from Tokyo is on her...

(static)

~MINOR TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY...~

I see. But did you notice more about her when Chika saw her took her clothes off?

(audience murmuring)

Hey. What's up with them?

When Riko took her clothes off and showed off her...um...swimsuit, the fans got their pants wet during bedtime. No. That's only the first episode because pretty soon, there's one Aqours members that will surely wet their pants once and for all during bedtime and that someone really is You.

Me?!

Not you, You Watanabe. The diver of a swim club. If you see You wearing her speedo, that's where the fans' reactions really kicked in as they'll going to wet themselves in bed upon remembering her. Believe it or not, You Watanabe in her speedo is a million times more bedwetting than...(ahem)

Kanan Matsuura in her wet suit?

(audience laughing)

I know that sounds disgusting but she's kinda cute in a normal sort of way while she's not in her speedo.

Same thing goes to Kanan, right?

Not sure about that but oh well.

Hey. Now that we mentioned Riko, You, and Kanan, care to guess where we should put them?

Riko? Well, I'll put her on...NOT CUTE.

(audience laughing)

Seriously?

Uh-huh. You? CUTE for her.  As for Kanan, CUTE!

(audience laughing)

Who's next?

Dia. Dia Kurosawa.

And who is she?

She's the student council president, just like my beloved Elichika.

(audience laughing)

Sadly, unlike Eli Ayase, Dia's quite an aggressive person that you couldn't count on even when she's part of Aqours for one main reason that I can't tell you about it and believe it or not, she has a sister named...

Ruby?

Correct. Ruby is...ahem, a rather opposite of her big sister Dia. She may be timid but she's very reluctant to take things seriously. She's a great friend of Hanamaru Kunikida, a member of a choir band.

Hanamaru looks kinda friendly and nice, by the way, and I agree with the chemistry between Hanamaru and Ruby because they look kinda cute when they're together.

For freshmen students like them, they're quite admirable, I'll give you that.

So, where will you put them?

It's a CUTE for Ruby and Hanamaru. As for Dia...NOT CUTE.

(audience laughing)

NOT CUTE?!

I don't like Dia's personality. Her aggressive demeanor is not well suited enough to be called cute so it's a NOT CUTE for me.

Who's next?

The rich girl. Mari Ohara.

Mari Ohara?

Yes. She's a rich girl whose father is a foreigner and runs a hotel business. You can really tell Mari's the rich girl just by noticing her personal mode of transport.

Judging by her appearance, I'm glad Aqours had a member who is a rich girl just like Maki Nishikino.

Yes, but Maki and Mari are typically different because Mari's got...class. She's classy and elegant, unlike Maki Nishikino, who often gets her hand sweaty on different situations.

(audience laughing)

But whatever the heck Mari is, let's seal her fate in the CUTE spot just in case. So, with eight of the Aqours members had their spots on the wall, that leaves us with...oh no.

What's wrong?

Our worst nightmare.

What is it?

Yoshiko Tsushima.

(audience laughing)

Oh my...

(audience murmuring)

What's wrong with them?

These guys noticed just how scary Yoshiko...er...Yohanne is and why we called her Yohanne because she wanted to be called Yohanne the little devil rather than her real name because some say, she's the walking disaster.

More like a walking time bomb if you ask?

Shhh....You're trying to make it worse. Ever seen her hand pose when they do jankenpon? That's not paper that Yohanne did...that's just...I can't tell what's what but it's got to be scary.

(audience laughing)

Shhh... (whispering) Where should we put this demon in the wall?

(Whispering) Tell you what. To avoid any mishaps that this little devil's going to cause on us, we have to seal her in...the SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE position.

(Whispering) Okay.

TIME FOR THE RECAP!

SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE:
Raichu
Whisper
Minion
Nico Yazawa
Takane Shijou
Azusa Miura
Makoto Kikuchi
Anzu Futaba
Croagunk
Touma Amagase
Shota Mitarai
Hokuto Ijuin
Teru Tendo
Kaoru Sakuraba
Tsubasa Kashikawa
Kyouji Takajou
Minori Watanabe
Kyosuke Aoi
Yusuke Aoi
Shiki Iseya
Haruna Wakazato
Hayato Akiyama
Jun Fuyumi
Natsuki Sakaki
Rui Maita
Chio Hazama
Jiro Yamashita
Treecko
Jill Valentine
Rebecca Chambers
Claire Redfield
Ada Wong
Ashley Graham
Sheva Alomar
Helena Harper
Sherry Birkin
Moira Burton
Natalia Korda
Osomatsu
Karamatsu
Choromatsu
Ichimatsu
Jyuushimatsu
Todomatsu
Miyabi Fujiwara
Risa Shirakaba
Rin Kurosawa
Mia Fey
Rayfa Padma Khura'in
Buttercup
*Yoshiko Tsushima

NOT CUTE:
Dopey
Kwazii
Minion
Amethyst
Rin Hoshizora
Hibiki Ganaha
Minami Nitta
Ranko Kanzaki
Miku Maekawa
Kion
Fuli
Beshte
Bunga
Ono
Pierre
Scraggy
Bulbasaur
Squirtle
Cyndaquil
Turtwig
Sumire Hikami
Juri Kurebayashi
Nono Daichi
Hime Shiratori
Tsubasa Kisaragi
Yuzu Nikaido
Yozora Kasumi
Maya Fey
Pearl Fey
Ema Skye
Trucy Wright
Kay Faraday
Athena Cykes
Blossom
Mirai Kasuga
Shizuka Mogami
Tsubasa Ibuki
Shiho Kitazawa
Umi Kousaka
Julia
Megumi Tokoro
Yuriko Nanao
Serika Hakozaki
Anna Mochizuki
Kana Yabuki
Nao Yokoyama
*Riko Sakurauchi
*Dia Kurosawa

CUTE:
Pichu
Plusle
Minun
Pachirisu
Emolga
Dedenne
Mokona
Mog
Catbug
Bashful
Froakie
Fennekin
Harukasan
Stuffy
Tunip the Vegimal
Minccino
Piplup
Sylveon
Queen Delightful
Axew
Jibanyan
Minion
Serena's Pancham
Umi Sonoda
Eli Ayase
Hanayo Koizumi
Maki Nishikino
Nozomi Tojo
Miki Hoshii
Yukiho Hagiwara
Iori Minase
Ritsuko Akizuki
Anastasia
Kanako Mimura
Chieri Ogata
Miria Akagi
Rika Jougasaki
Kirari Moroboshi
Riina Tada
Rin Shibuya
Mio Honda
Komasan
Komajiro
Grizz
Panda
Ice Bear
Clefairy
Jigglypuff
Chansey
Eevee
Tepig
Snivy
Chikorita
Charmander
Totodile
Torchic
Mudkip
Chimchar
Hinaki Shinjo
Madoka Amahana
Kokone Kurisu
Nina Dojima
Yume Njino
Rola Sakuraba
Laala Manaka
Bubbles
*You Watanabe
*Kanan Matsuura
*Ruby Kurosawa
*Hanamaru Kunikida
*Mari Ohara


NAKAKAGIGIL!!!:
Pikachu
BMO
Bijou
Poof
George
Happy
Chespin
Doc McStuffins
Mabel Pines
Sofia
Cottonee
Minion
Oshawott
Star Butterfly
Honoka Kousaka
Kotori Minami
Haruka Amami
Yayoi Takatsuki
Chihaya Kisaragi
Ami Futami
Mami Futami
Uzuki Shimamura
Noibat
Togepi
Squishy
Ichigo Hoshimiya
Aoi Kiriya
Ran Shibuki
Akari Ozora
Braixen
*Chika Takami


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