Monday, November 21, 2016

The Cute Wall (Volume Sixteen)

Now, the moment of truth is time because it's now time to do...THE CUTE WALL!



(applause)

Whoa, can't believe that despite all odds, we manage to come back alive just for this! Thank goodness for that. Speaking of which...

Some idiots told me that the stars of Yuri!!! On Ice were cute?

Who?

Yuri!!! On Ice

Yuri!!! On Ice. It's about a Japanese figure skater named Yuri Katsuki, whose life changed forever when a veteran Russian skater Victor Nikiforov became his coach and...um...well, long story short but everyone in the world got hooked on this breakout sports anime show with (ahem) some "boys love" stuff aboard.

Boys Love?!

Uh-huh. Boys Love because that certain love affair between them motivated the Japanese Yuri to overcome all odds to become one of the world's best skaters. At least this is anime stuff but anyone can be like Yuri Katsuki unless if they have a love affair like Victor that can motivate them to success. Sigh, that's what I get from watch the first half of the show myself.

(audience laughing)

So, what are you going to do with it? Evaluate it?

Before the girls mulling about calling this show "cute"...

Someone got you ahead first...

Wha...?

(audience laughing)

SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE!!! One for Yuri Katsuki, one for Victor Nikiforov. Hope you idiots love yaoi stuff...

(audience laughing, then applause)

What else?!

Remember the time when we put The 7D's Dopey, Happy and Bashful on the Cute Wall? We haven't put the remaining here so, what's your take on the remaining dwarves?

Let's see....hmmmm...

 

Oh, I know! Grumpy's SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE and that's okay because this is who he is, Doc and Sleepy's NOT CUTE, and Sneezy's...ummm...CUTE!

(audience laughing)

Oh, I see. That's how you judge how cute are they by how they act. I like you style. Touché. Speaking of which...is it cold outside?

Yeah, it's freezing in here. Did somebody opened the door?!

(murmuring)

What about the AC?!

(murmuring)

I don't think it's the aircon or the door or the windows...

What is it?

Lily Shirogane

It's her! Lily Shirogane from Aikatsu Stars!

So that's how the cold front is flowing on this set! So, she looks new to us and by her attitude, she looks as cold as the polar vortex.

(audience laughing)

Cold as a polar vortex that hit New York?!

Of course she is and by looking at her, she doesn't look as cute as the other Aikatsu Stars characters. In fact, she looks somewhat familiar to me...

Oh come on...

(audience laughing)

Hey, haven't I see you before?!

(audience laughing)

36 MINUTES LATER...

So, how's Lily?

She looks emotionless and cold when I asked her and since she's the Aikatsu Stars character who doesn't feel anything, let's put her to NOT CUTE and they'll be none the wiser.

(audience laughing)

Well, there's a new trio in Pripara right now. It's called NON SUGAR and the members are Non Manaka, Chiri Tsukikawa, and Pepper Taiyou.
Chiri Tsukikawa

Non Manaka
Pepper Taiyou

Speaking of Pepper...

(ahhhh!!!)

Oh no! I think Pepper bit someone. Someone get her off! Hurry!!!

36 MINUTES LATER....

That Pepper, because she came from the Sapanna and raised by lions, she always like to eat those "managers" for lunch, even their own. Hmmm, if anyone wants to get their butts become Pepper's lunch, raise your hands.

(audience laughing, some raise hands)

Wait, looks like someone wants to be Pepper's lunch, huh?

(audience laughing)

You want to be Pepper's lunch? Anyone? Guess what, your butts are safe because I'll put Pepper on the NOT CUTE spot so no one's going to be eaten alive.

(audience laughing)

Chiri? Oh bother. She was just an innocent little girl until her life at Pripara changed her into a serious idol drawing her fountain fan, thinking she's in charge and seriousness is not a cute factor for me so it's a SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE for Chiri. Sorry, ma'am. You have to do better.

What about Non? Isn't she the one behind TRIANGLE?

Yes. Non already did her stint as TRIANGLE's Junon, Pinon, and Kanon, just to draw attention to her sister Laala. Being TRIANGLE is just part of her plan and with Non Manaka finally out in the open, she's ready to be just like her sister by being...Non. With Non Sugar formed, this is one big step to Non to surpass against her sister and we are expecting sibling rivalry here. Ooohhh...

(Ooohhh)

What's your take?

Let's put her to CUTE where it safe.

(audience laughing, then applause)

Oh, boy. Hey, now that Pokemon Sun and Moon is out, have you enjoyed the anime?

Yeah, sure. You?

Superb. In fact, the latest chapter in Pokemon sees Ash and Pikachu goes to school while venturing through the hidden secrets of Alola Region while making new friends and enemies. As I read from the portfolio, Ash is joined by new characters such as (ahem)...

Pokemon cosplayers, pay attention because this is what you're going to be if you're ready for next year's conventions.

Lillie, Mallow, Lana, Kiawe, and Sophocles.

Understand?!

(murmuring)

Well, hope they'll be dressing as those appeared in the show because if I see anyone dressed as those from the games just like what happened since Black and White and XY, I'm gonna...

Whoa there... Anyway, the Pokemon on the new show, what's your thoughts?

You know the Grass-type starter Rowlet? Yep, when the starters are first introduced alongside the Fire-type Litten and the Water-type Popplio, most like Rowlet because it has close resemblance to (ahem) Love Live's Kotori Minami.

(audience laughing)

The Koto-birb, huh? No wonder they took a liking to that one.

I know, but Rowlet's popularity didn't last long when their first evolved forms; Dartrix, Torracat, and Brionne, are announced and as far as I know, most like Brionne because...(ahem)

(♪アイドル活動!)

Aikatsu reference, huh? Because "idol" Pokemon. Ha ha ha ha ha, get it?!

"Idol" Pokemon indeed. And with the final evolved forms; Decidueye, Incineroar, and Primarina, are out, it's everybody's guess right now which one is best. If we focused on Rowlet, Litten, and Popplio for now, I know what to do with those.

Okay, so what?

They're all placed to the CUTE spot. All three of them!

Alola Starters in Pokemon Sun and Moon

(applause)

Yes, these three are the stars of the show, what about the other stars of the new show, huh?

Togedemaru
Togedemaru is the roly-poly Pokemon who joins alongside Sophocles. Because this is Alola, every region deserves a cute electric-type Pokemon and this Togedemaru takes the cake. I mean look at this Togedemaru...

Like a big ball of fluff...and spikes.

(audience laughing)

I know. I watched how Togedemaru can do but no matter what, Togedemaru's in the CUTE spot. Welcome to the club.

Rockruff

Rockruff. Oh bother. This cute little doggy resides with Alola's Prof. Kukui and by the looks of it, it reminded me of Clarence's best friend...from the show Clarence.

(audience laughing)

Like Clarence's best friend, huh?!

Yep, and that's a CUTE for Rockruff.

Bounsweet

What about Bounsweet? The Pokemon tagging alongside Mallow?

Don't ask because I already know where to put Bounsweet. In the CUTE spot. No hard feelings?

Yeah, no hard feelings.

(audience laughing)

Anyway, enough for that now. Speaking of which, I heard you had a new obsession to that new cartoon show related to you.

Did you mean "The Loud House"?!

The Loud House

Yeah. The Loud House! It's about a boy named Lincoln living in a household of 10 sisters. TEN SISTERS! That's a recipe for mayhem!

I know, right? When these girls rumble each other, it's like the Play Rough attack from Pokemon.

(audience laughing)

Girls like to play rough, right?! (Laughing)

(audience laughing)

Get it?!

Yeah! So, those ten sisters messing with Lincoln's life. These are...

Lori, the oldest of the siblings and the boss. Leni, the second-oldest, the ditsiest, and the sweetest sister. Luna, the rocker. Luan, the family clown who loves to make jokes. Lynn, the athlete. Lucy, the poetic emo sister who likes to be in the dark. Lola, the glamorous twin of Lana, who is the grease monkey. Lisa, the little girl genius. And finally, Lily, the baby poopmaker.

(glug, glug, glug)

What are you doing?

I have a little secret. Look at Luna Loud. She reminded me of Aikatsu's Kaede Ichinose with a brown hair color. As for Luan, she reminded me of THE IDOLM@STER's Mami Futami and I know a good joke for her. Hey, are you my Mami?!

(rim shot)

Ha ha ha ha ha! Get it?!

(audience laughing)

Lynn Loud?! She looks like Mac from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

(audience laughing)

As for Lisa, heh. Meddling kids. She reminded me of Wilma from the Scooby-Doo shows. Ha ha...

(audience laughing)

Anyway, enough for that now. Can you decide where the Loud kids positioned at? Hurry up before they'll use "Play Rough" on each other, even us!

Okay. (glug, glug, glug) Lori's SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE. Leni's CUTE, Luna's CUTE, Luan's NAKAKAGIGIL (or should I say, NAKAKA-GIGGLE), Lynn's NOT CUTE, Lincoln's CUTE, Lucy's SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE but she's not bothering it anyway, Lola's SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE, Lana's NOT CUTE, Lisa's CUTE but she knows that this segment we're doing is idiotic and irrelevant anyway, and Lily's CUTE.

Whoa! Lola's SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE?!!! Don't you know what happens when we called Lola SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE?!

(I'm telling dad!)

Uh-oh... Speaking of which...

(Poo-Poo!)

What's that smell?

Lily's diapers!

(audience screaming in panic)

TOXIC GAS! Everybody out!!! Run!!!

(screaming continues)

(Poo-Poo!)

TIME FOR THE RECAP!

SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE:
Raichu
Whisper
Minion
Nico Yazawa
Takane Shijou
Azusa Miura
Makoto Kikuchi
Anzu Futaba
Croagunk
Touma Amagase
Shota Mitarai
Hokuto Ijuin
Teru Tendo
Kaoru Sakuraba
Tsubasa Kashikawa
Kyouji Takajou
Minori Watanabe
Kyosuke Aoi
Yusuke Aoi
Shiki Iseya
Haruna Wakazato
Hayato Akiyama
Jun Fuyumi
Natsuki Sakaki
Rui Maita
Chio Hazama
Jiro Yamashita
Treecko
Jill Valentine
Rebecca Chambers
Claire Redfield
Ada Wong
Ashley Graham
Sheva Alomar
Helena Harper
Sherry Birkin
Moira Burton
Natalia Korda
Osomatsu
Karamatsu
Choromatsu
Ichimatsu
Jyuushimatsu
Todomatsu
Miyabi Fujiwara
Risa Shirakaba
Rin Kurosawa
Mia Fey
Rayfa Padma Khura'in
Buttercup
Yoshiko Tsushima
Sion Todo
Aroma Kurosu
Gaaruru
Hibiki Shikyoin
Ako Saotome
*Yuri Katsuki
*Victor Nikiforov
*Grumpy
*Chiri Tsukikawa
*Lori Loud
*Lucy Loud
*Lola Loud


NOT CUTE:
Dopey
Kwazii
Minion
Amethyst
Rin Hoshizora
Hibiki Ganaha
Minami Nitta
Ranko Kanzaki
Miku Maekawa
Kion
Fuli
Beshte
Bunga
Ono
Pierre
Scraggy
Bulbasaur
Squirtle
Cyndaquil
Turtwig
Sumire Hikami
Juri Kurebayashi
Nono Daichi
Hime Shiratori
Tsubasa Kisaragi
Yuzu Nikaido
Yozora Kasumi
Maya Fey
Pearl Fey
Ema Skye
Trucy Wright
Kay Faraday
Athena Cykes
Blossom
Mirai Kasuga
Shizuka Mogami
Tsubasa Ibuki
Shiho Kitazawa
Umi Kousaka
Julia
Megumi Tokoro
Yuriko Nanao
Serika Hakozaki
Anna Mochizuki
Kana Yabuki
Nao Yokoyama
Riko Sakurauchi
Dia Kurosawa
Mikan Shiratama
Junon
Kanon
Pinon
Mahiru Kasumi
*Doc
*Sleepy
*Lily Shirogane
*Pepper Taiyou
*Lynn Loud
*Lana Loud


CUTE:
Pichu
Plusle
Minun
Pachirisu
Emolga
Dedenne
Mokona
Mog
Catbug
Bashful
Froakie
Fennekin
Harukasan
Stuffy
Tunip the Vegimal
Minccino
Piplup
Sylveon
Queen Delightful
Axew
Jibanyan
Minion
Serena's Pancham
Umi Sonoda
Eli Ayase
Hanayo Koizumi
Maki Nishikino
Nozomi Tojo
Miki Hoshii
Yukiho Hagiwara
Iori Minase
Ritsuko Akizuki
Anastasia
Kanako Mimura
Chieri Ogata
Miria Akagi
Rika Jougasaki
Kirari Moroboshi
Riina Tada
Rin Shibuya
Mio Honda
Komasan
Komajiro
Grizz
Panda
Ice Bear
Clefairy
Jigglypuff
Chansey
Eevee
Tepig
Snivy
Chikorita
Charmander
Totodile
Torchic
Mudkip
Chimchar
Hinaki Shinjo
Madoka Amahana
Kokone Kurisu
Nina Dojima
Yume Njino
Rola Sakuraba
Laala Manaka
Bubbles
You Watanabe
Kanan Matsuura
Ruby Kurosawa
Hanamaru Kunikida
Mari Ohara
Sophy Hojo
Dorothy West
Reona West
Falulu
Fuwari Midorikaze
Koharu Nanakura
*Sneezy
*Non Manaka
*Rowlet
*Litten
*Popplio
*Togedemaru
*Rockruff
*Bounsweet
*Lincoln Loud
*Leni Loud
*Luna Loud
*Lisa Loud
*Lily Loud


NAKAKAGIGIL!!!:
Pikachu
BMO
Bijou
Poof
George
Happy
Chespin
Doc McStuffins
Mabel Pines
Sofia
Cottonee
Minion
Oshawott
Star Butterfly
Honoka Kousaka
Kotori Minami
Haruka Amami
Yayoi Takatsuki
Chihaya Kisaragi
Ami Futami
Mami Futami
Uzuki Shimamura
Noibat
Togepi
Squishy
Ichigo Hoshimiya
Aoi Kiriya
Ran Shibuki
Akari Ozora
Braixen
Chika Takami
Mirei Minami
*Luan Loud

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