Sunday, July 5, 2015

The Cute Wall (Volume Eight)

Now, the moment of truth is time because it's now time to do...THE CUTE WALL!

Now, this is going to be very special for us since July 2015 is the month we'll be celebrating one of the most popular game franchises of all and the one we all publicly love about...

Let me guess...IDOLM@STER?


Yes. THE IDOLM@STER and since 2015 marks the 10th anniversary of THE IDOLM@STER, much like everything else in the world that entered the ten-year-olds club...

(audience laughing)

...what I like to do is we'll be doing it in two parts; first up, the 765 PRO ALL-STARS, and on the next part, the CINDERELLA PROJECT.

CINDERELLA PROJECT? Did you mean the 346 Productions' finest from THE IDOLM@STER CINDERELLA GIRLS?!

Correct. IM@S CG. But first, let's start with the idols that started the trend.

Hold on, are we focusing on the idols appeared on the anime rather than the game itself?

Yes. And since both IDOLM@STER and IDOLM@STER Cinderella Girls have anime shows, these will be the ones will be focusing at. So, let's start with our all-time favorite!

So, Haruka Amami. We'll start with that ribbon-wearing girl we all love if you may.

If I may, so, there's so many reasons why we all love her, well, apart from her charms that wowed the crowd. She's essentially the face of the franchise since when iM@S started life as an arcade circa 2005.

Face of the franchise?!

Yes. If you're asking any iM@S fan you know, the only gal they can think about when they hear "IDOLM@STER" is her and who can't blame them?

(audience laughing)

And if you watch the anime series, take note: the proper iM@S anime, not the sci-fi robot anime kind of iM@S, what's it called?

Xenoglossia. IDOLM@STER Xenoglossia.

Thank you, anyway, if you watch the proper anime series, we had a chance to know about her.

Speaking of which, have you already watched the IM@S movie last year?

Uh...I don't know but anyway, enough about that, what's to like about her?

Well, what I like about Haruka, apart from her carefree attitude that makes her prone to any mishaps, is her attitude towards her fellow idols. She's the kind of girl you would like to be part of the team because...she's the kind of girl who never lets her colleague giving up when times are tough. I am completely and utterly in love with her.

(audience laughing)

In love with her?! You got to be kidding me!

I kid you not. She's my favorite, she's your favorite, she's everyone's favorite in the world of IDOLM@STER so...where should we put her?

Well...since you're right about her, why not put her to the top spot of the CUTE WALL that is...NAKAKAGIGIL.

Are you sure?

Yes. She deserves the top spot but be warned. Don't position her next to Pikachu. She hates getting electrocuted.

(audience laughing)

You remember the episode from Brainiac when a group of cheerleaders get zapped by electricity?


One of those cheerleaders looked a lot like Haruka's.

(audience laughing)

Oh, okay. Next up, Yayoi Takatsuki!

Yayoi Takatsuki. Oh yeah, Yayoi. That little girl who does everything to her family and a very reliable idol in need despite her financial difficulties.

You sure done your homework, huh?

Yes it is. Binge-watched the entire series because it's IDOLM@STER's 10th anniversary after all. Anyway, since I told you anything about Yayoi in a short but simple manner, where should we put her?

Care if you can put her in...let's say, NAKAKAGIGIL?


I mean look at her, if you put her next to Oshawott, you can see their similarities when they're happy.

(audience laughing)

But Yayoi isn't as scary-looking as Oshawott's but okay. Let's put her here because of her cuteness equivalent to the sea otter Pokemon. Anyway, who's next?

Takane Shijou.

(audience laughing)

Oh dear. I am certainly not like her.

What's wrong? Oh, wait! I know...She was used to be...

I know, don't ask, but think about her, okay? She looks beautiful but she's as beautiful as a female baddie in a spy movie. Okay, imagine, if I was a special agent in a spy flick and if I had her in a date at a Monte Carlo casino, chances are she would poison me to sleep and I woke up in a baddie's secret lair.

(audience laughing)

I see. Between you and me, she made me pee in my pants when I think about her...

(audience laughing)

Oh dear. So, where should we put her? Oh! Wait! I know! Since we both have bitter experiences about Takane's seduction to anyone who's a fan of her, there's only one place we should put her...SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE.

(audience laughing)

SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE. Good point. Look! Your favorite, Chihaya Kisaragi!

The idol who devotes everything to music in a stoic manner. There's so much to love about her because it's simple, She has the most fantastic vocals than almost any of the 765 PRO ALL-STARS.

That's right, but sadly, there's a massive flaw about Chihaya's. The number 72.

(audience laughing)

72? Oh yeah...Her annoyingly flat chest size. Anyway, where should we put her?

Thanks to her stoic personality and her wondrous voice you would persevere, there's only one place I'll put the CUTE spot. Sadly, our Haruka pal might feel disappointed why her beloved pal isn't as cute as her's so we'll put her in NAKAKAGIGIL for the good of it.

(audience laughing)

Hibiki Ganaha's next. Thoughts about her?

Uh...uh...Well, I think she looks childish but her smile is as nice as the sun shines on a beach. Think about it, if you would take her on a date, as a producer, what would you say to her?

I might say to her that I might be expressing my feelings in a dignified matter but because I failed her, there's nothing I can do about her.

(audience laughing)

There's also another problem about Hibiki's. Best not to look at her when her mouth's wide open because...she looks like a monster when you see her fang on her mouth. Ahh! She's a hideous monster!

(audience laughing)

So, where should we put her?

I know where should we put her. Try putting her to the NOT CUTE spot. Sorry, Hibiki. You better not show off your fang from your mouth.

(audience laughing)
Next up, Miki Hoshii. Is there something else you would like to talk about her?

About Miki Hoshii, she's the kind of blonde gal you wouldn't want to be part of your group because...she lacks motivation but has endless potential, you know that? Sadly, most of us would get super jealous about what Miki Hoshii can do. And she's also creepy, if you know what I mean?

(audience laughing)

I don't see something's wrong about Miki.

Yes there is because she's blonde, she's envy, we're extremely jealous on what Miki can do, and guess what? We're kidding about these stuff. Miki's a great gal, and she's more than enough to fill you in if things get a little busy. To be safe, let's put her to CUTE, just to keep Miki happy.

(audience laughing)


Next up, Yukiho Hagiwara and what I have here is a bashful gal who's scared of males (well, except for the producer) and dogs but she's very exceptional with her talents on stage. She may not be a great singer or dancer but she's full of personality. You would really persevere her.

Yeah. I would definitely persevere her if she's down and if I was her producer, I would certainly be rooting for her. Touching, isn't it?

Yeah, I was going to say that but anyway, let's put her to the CUTE spot because she really feels that way. Who's next?

Oh, look! Iori Minase! It's one of the gals you really like!

Indeed, I really like her because, annoyingly, she's the kind of gal who proves she's always right when it comes to problem solving. She maybe cute but in truth, she's really a rather harsh gal.

Really harsh indeed because having grew up from a family who had their hands full with a conglomerate, Iori's kinda of a very harsh gal who tends to be extremely bossy but generally, she's friendly. She's also civilized. So, where should we put Iori.

This could be very difficult but because she's a rather harsh gal from a very wealthy family, my best decision will be, and not always a pretty one, putting her to the CUTE spot.

(audience laughing)

Next up, Ritsuko Akizuki. She's once an idol, now she's a producer-ish who's in charge of keeping her idols afloat. Between you and me, she has maternal instincts and she's the kind of gal who tends to bring you a nice box of lunch during break times.

Maternal instincts?

Oh yeah.

But she's more of a bossy kind of gal and tends to make sermons. Whenever the heck Ritsuko said, we can't do what she doesn't want. Agh...

(audience laughing)


She looks like a teacher. Look at her glasses. Look at her glasses.

(audience laughing)

Oh, you're right. But for me, there's nothing wrong about Ritsuko. She's a great gal, a very resourceful idol, and a great acting producer to get things right for 765 PRODUCTION. I am decided that I'll put her in the CUTE spot. So, who's next?

Oh no...It's Azusa Miura. Come on, Nobody likes her, right.

I disagree. She's like a proper idol for any producer who has an idea about what they're talking about.

Yeah but she's becoming a cogpiece for gentlemen whose sausages are going to wilt.

(audience laughing)

She's not the best idol, I admit, but she isn't half bad.

Yeah but she's got big chests and a very erotic voice.

(audience laughing)

So...for me, I'll put her in SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE. So sorry, too much SPG for gentlemen with fried bananas.

(audience laughing)

Oh yeah. SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE for Azusa. Sadly, we got another problem facing now.

Ami and Mami!

Yeah, Ami and Mami Futami. The twins with silly faces who tend to play tricks on almost anyone. So, do you have thoughts before these two play their joker cards hidden from their shirts?

(audience laughing)

Uh...Uh...Well...Ahhh....I think...I THINK THEY'RE BOTH CUTE!

(audience murmuring)

Yes. They're both incredibly annoying but they're both very cute in their own ways. Even though Ami and Mami are different from their personalities, they're still essentially tameable and I like them.

I knew it! So, where should we put them?

Since, they're incredibly good at being goofballs, let's put them to the NAKAKAGIGIL spot! Happy now, Futami twins?!

(audience murmuring)

Now it's time for one last 765 PRO idol and it;s...uh-oh...

Oh, I see, the buttkicker of 765 PRODUCTION. Makoto Kikuchi.

Yes. Makoto Kikuchi. She's the buttkicker who would most likely to jump out from the fridge and attack you. She looks like she's going to kill us all, with her idol kung fu.

(audience laughing)

If I see her, most wee and poo will come out from me.

Gets worse, she's most likely to machine gun us from the first place.

(audience laughing)

So, where should we put her, buddy?

Before she kills us, let's put her to the spot where Makoto-kun will never throw us to death with her CQC's. Let's put her to the SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE SPOT! Ha ha!

(audience laughing, then applause)

Well done, chap. Looks like this sweaty buttkicker will never grab us and slam dunk us to the floor because she's SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE and she deserved it. Ha ha!

Time for the recap!

Nico Yazawa
*Takane Shijou
*Azusa Miura
*Makoto Kikuchi

Rin Hoshizora
*Hibiki Ganaha

Tunip the Vegimal
Queen Delightful
Serena's Pancham
Umi Sonoda
Eli Ayase
Hanayo Koizumi
Maki Nishikino
Nozomi Tojo
*Miki Hoshii
*Yukiho Hagiwara
*Iori Minase
*Ritsuko Akizuki

Doc McStuffins
Mabel Pines
Star Butterfly
Honoka Kousaka
Kotori Minami
*Haruka Amami
*Yayoi Takatsuki
*Chihaya Kisaragi
*Ami Futami
*Mami Futami

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