Thursday, February 2, 2017

Forza Horizon 3: [Censored] to [Censored]...sorta

Sorry about the title but it's a clear reference from the latest Grand Tour episode titled [Censored] to [Censored] where the boys compare three British SUVs and going on their German-Austria road trip from Wank, Kissing, Petting, the Austrian village with the curse word on it, and all the way to Nuremberg. We saw the Jaguar F-Pace, the Range Rover, and the Bentley Bentayga into action and if I was just wondering if I can do the same comparison right here Down Under on Forza Horizon 3.

I already tried three of British SUVs in the past and I am already familiar with the way they behave for me because while the F-Pace excels in its handling capabilities because this is the lightest of the three, the Bentayga is the all-powerful heavyweight that shows its inner tyranny in the house of cards, and the Range Rover is all about offroad capabilities unlike any other, even though I found out that it's the heaviest of the three British-made SUVs.

Since this is Australia, it's impossible to recreate the comparison on the said Grand Tour episode but I found a piece of Grand Tour somewhere Down Under and that was called "Grand Tour Sprint", so famously called because it has the words "Grand Tour" on it and that remind anyone of the car show the former Top Gear trio were on it. Special, isn't it? And that gave me the ideal time to put these three British SUVs to the test round the Grand Tour Sprint's like conducting science experiments with test subjects, only this time in cars.

To ensure a fair-playing field, I've stripped most of their upgrades to their respective tuning files so they can pick them up later after this experiment. Oh, and I also stripped off the special designs that I made because...I don't know why but this is science and no fancy accessories are allowed during the conduction of such a scientific process.

Now it's time to find out which of these three British SUVs is the best and no, there won't be any underwear, pets, sunglasses, and canned beans involved in the making of this experiment. No way. It's time to settle things once and for all and see which SUV is the best. Remember, no shortcuts because this is cheating just like what happened in the Grand Tour episode.

And so, the boxing bell has rung...

At the end of their Grand Tour sprint, I have the times;

F-Pace: 2:52.139
Range Rover: 2:41.862
Bentayga: 2:37.457

Here's the point; the F-Pace, because of its supercharged 3.0L V6 engine that produces less than the other two heavyweights, is the slowest of the three while the Bentayga, due to its tyrannical power output for a 12-cylinder SUV, is the fastest of the three, and in the end...hmmm...James May is absolutely useless.

So, the Bentayga is the fastest of the three and it's very hard to say what the dopey old idiot was doing behind the wheel because while it looks heavy inside and out, it's surprisingly fast and handles like a grand tourer, well just about. I assured that the Bentayga behaves like the good old Continental GT with the added muscle to upset the Range Rover in the race of luxury SUVs and in a straight-line performance, it would easily beat both the Jag and the Range Rover by a wide margin of reach but what could possibly go wrong with the Bentayga anyway?

Anyway, enough talk right now and time to close the case, proving that the ultra-expensive Bentley Bentayga is the best of the three SUVs and this Grand Tour episode really needs a rewrite.

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