Saturday, May 19, 2018

Deadpool 2

The mutant everybody loves to hate returns for his second coming as Deadpool returns with more explosives, more jokes, and more Deadpool than his previous film. Sadly, before I had the chance to talk about it, Deadpool's here and I need to steer away from him so he can tell you how the new movie made Deadpool great again. Get it? Make Deadpool Great Again. Anyway, I'm off and he's here for his professional words.

Deadpool 2

Ooh, someone ran away with some chimichangas left on the table, sweet! Anyway, before we begin, can I just ask you one thing why I AM SUPER ANGRY right now because that big superhero film you just saw, what was that again? Something infinite? Anyway, the reason why I'm angry right now because the A*******s didn't invite me on their film. You know what? If I was in that film, I would have knocked T****s out in a zip! Well, never mind about that. Taking my rage against them, I made my own movie so awesome, the A*******s will beg for mercy over me. Oh wait, they're not here, right? Because they're already .......

(STATIC)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! About my sequel, you got to love this DP2 by the way because with this film, I WILL MAKE DEADPOOL GREAT AGAIN. Heard that, Mr. Prez? MAKE DEADPOOL GREAT AGAIN! I got some new friends, new weapons, and new jokes you can laugh it out and I hope most of you love my masterpiece worthy enough to take your hearts. No, not the Indiana Jones kind of take your heart, that other thing. OK, so like you guys saw in the trailer so many times, I'm up against this guy who looked like The Terminator who is gunning up against that boy I'm supposed to protect and in order to stop him, I'm gonna need some help with the other mutants who got rejected by the X-MEN films and together, we're going to save the world from that bad guy. Got it? Good.

First of all, I would like to give a glass for my BFF, Ryan Reynolds, for playing me once again. By the way, congrats, Ryan. I heard you're going to be that little mouse on next year's film. Who is it again? He's yellow, he's a mouse, and he's electric. Anyway, never mind all that but big hand of applause for my BFF over there and with my good friends starring in my film such as Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, Julian Dennison, Zazie Beetz, T.J. Miller, Brianna Hildebrand, Jack Kesy, and my director pal David Leitch.

So, what are your thoughts and suggestions about my DP2 film, huh? I know, I know, a few of you called it flipping horrific and a dropload of s**t. Hey, you know what? We're not friends anymore if you said something mean about  my film and guess what? That's FAKE NEWS to you! But my supporters told me they love this film more than the I_______ W____ and don't worry, my dear supporters. I'm not going to dissolve at the end, well, almost. 

Apart from that, my other supporters called it the main reason why they made Deadpool great again. Hey! That's some strong words, man! Fist bump? Anyway, you got their words but the next time you call my film rubbish, I'll throw you to the nation where people taking drugs get killed, got it? Good. So watch my DP2 film, folks. YOU WILL LOVE IT. Trust me. Anyway, guess my time is up folks because my adoring fans need me. Ta-ta! KEEP DEADPOOL GREAT AGAIN!

By the way? Before I go, what did you guys hear? YANNI or LAUREL?

Thank you, Mr. Deadpool, for such words. Anyway...

My rating: 4.2 out of 5.

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